And over again, if I must
September 12, 2021
There was a point in my decision making where I wondered if choosing surgery+cutting these fibroids out meant I was taking the easy way out. That I couldn’t endure the pain any longer. Did I not believe in miracles enough?
If I weren’t quite literally bleeding myself dry, I might not have even considered it yet. But, it’s now a way for me to sustain life+my womb. I’m grateful to have this choice+privilege.
The pain+challenges have been…exquisite…especially the past ~3yrs. But they have also elevated my spiritual gifts in ways indescribable. So I ask, is this lesson complete yet? The answer I receive: ☑️ it is done.
Must I endure more? I guess that depends on how many more sacred initiations I’ve agreed to take on in this lifetime. My mission is layered, deep. So, I suppose there might be more obstacles, bc I’ve chosen a path of great life-force and power. Of vitality, vibrancy, magic. To step into that embodiment fully, there are old seals/bonds to be released, lineage wounds to be healed, false wiring to be deconditioned, truths to be remembered. So, we continue on.
I acknowledge this human experience. This pain, rage, despair is sacred. A constant toggle between blissful hope +complete loss of any desire to continue on. Is it worth surviving, I wondered? It sounds dark, & it was, & it is. But I’ve long embraced the shadows. It is here to be witnessed as much as our light. And I decided: YES, I do want to live…so much…so vibrantly and fully.
I give myself permission to accept help from the unexpected. I give myself permission to reintegrate all forms of medicine back into my life - & heal my dissonance with western medicine. I trust in the helpers+treatments I have chosen bc I trust myself, and that I’m always divinely protected. I trust that my body is powerful, resilient - it’s proven this time & time again.
I give myself permission to accept the experience of reprieve, relief, & ease. I’m terrified of surgery, but I will move through the fear as I always have. I will survive this, radiantly.
And over again, if I must.
I release all attachments to expectations+outcomes. So that I/we may receive more blessings than we could have ever envisioned. Xx