These fibroids revealed to me the codes to loving myself unconditionally

September 4, 2021

These uterine fibroids have revealed so much to me. Mainly, that in my exquisite pain + crushing vulnerability (because of it not despite it), I’m so fucking badass. (The ER doctors certainly thought so too when they saw my hemoglobin levels). I learned that I’m protected, guided, supported, and loved beyond measure. That gratitude doesn’t begin to express what I feel in my heart, in my womb.

These fibroids allowed me to reconcile +receive help from a medical system that in many ways failed me. But I see now that by placing the blame on the doctors who’d dismissed me, I was in fact giving my power away and not claiming responsibility for my own advocacy and health. It was easier that way, really, but I was young. These fibroids allowed me to remember how to trust in myself, unconditionally.

And so..resentment left, and openness revealed itself.

These fibroids revealed to me how much I love moving my body. Because for months…which turned into years…I couldn’t move. 1) because I was depressed and didn’t see a point in getting up unless I had to 2) I would bleed everywhere all the time 3) bc I physically couldn’t at times, I couldn’t move without heart palpitations, dizziness, extreme fatigue, shortness of breath amongst other symptoms.

The other day at the market, I don’t know how many times I turned to @icdaywee just to tell him how fucking ecstatic I am that I can walk all around Costco and not have to sit down on the patio furniture every 5 min from the severe low back pain + fatigue I experienced from just 1 month prior. I called my mom & cried because of how happy I am to be walking “regularly” again 😭 I will never take the physical gift of being able to walk for granted ever again, I promised.

I don’t even know how long this is going to last…these times without perceived pain. But I’m happy I can remember it now, bc it can get hard when you try but can’t remember what living without chronic pain + fatigue feels like, at least in this realm +timeline.

These fibroids revealed to me the codes to loving myself unconditionally, which of course includes loving my fibroids unconditionally, and especially loving my mighty+luscious womb. 🌺✨⚡️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼