Surgery…postponed

December 14, 2021

SURGERY POSTPONED.

Months of mental and emotional preparation, all to get a call from my surgeon this morning letting me know we cannot proceed with the surgery as planned.

Well, I guess good thing I’ve had all this practice of letting go of attachments to outcomes this year. I’m both liberated, yet stuck and confused once again. What next? I’m both devastated, yet relieved. Overall, I’m heartbroken with this news because it confirms just how difficult of a case my fibroids are. It confirms that there are more obstacles to overcome. But what if I feel like I’ve already given my all? I want to tap out now. 🥺 please.

Of course, I continue on.

My fibroids seem abnormal via my most recent ultrasound, and they are bleeding a lot. Which means if I go though surgery in 2 days, there would’ve been a high chance (like he said almost 100%) they would have removed my entire uterus. The one very difficult fibroid also has pretty much taken over my endometrium, and I haven’t unpacked what that means yet.

Here’s what I’m thankful for, though. I’m thankful my surgeon placed my choice (+ desire to have kids) & safety first and let me know before we went into surgery. I’m thankful for options, idk what they are yet, but I know I have them.

I’m thankful for the incredible support of dear family and friends. I have been receiving all of your kindness and generous love in full. I hold you all in my heart always.

I’m thankful for grace, trust and flow. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m not resentful or angry. But that just shows to me how much I’ve expanded this past year….I knew I had, but this is a whole new level Jen. Past the illusions and shadows, here I am.

My body is not broken. My Womb is not broken. It is radiantly strong and beautiful. It has brought me to the here and now, and I choose to honor it unconditionally, to love it powerfully.