Surgery
December 6, 2021
I’m scheduled for surgery to remove my uterine fibroids in 10 days. 🌺 Looking through old photos this past year, I found these from June, a week before my 32nd birthday.
I had lost so much blood - I remember feeling like if I’d closed my eyes, I might not ever wake back up. My life force felt like it was being dragged out of my body, aggressively. And sadly, it was the second time within 6 months that I had felt this awful. I’d been hemorrhaging blood for months (years, really).
I was sent to the ER by my hematologist, and they kept me overnight to monitor my blood transfusion and heart, because I was also at risk of cardiac arrest with how critically low my hemoglobin levels were.
Since then, I’ve been taking 2 doses of hormonal birth control pills per day (short term “solution” only until I could find a better remedy) to help manage the monthly hemorrhaging, and a side effect is that I’ve been bleeding every. single. day. for the past 6 months. BUT, I bleed less than if I were to hemorrhage each month, so at least now I have more blood in my body and can go to classes, stand up, think clearly, walk without getting short of breath. Do I have concerns? Yes. Lol. Honestly, though, it gave me will to continue on. Because at a few points along this journey, I wasn’t sure if any of this was worth surviving. With this chronic condition, it was so hard to remember a life that felt vibrant and free, and it felt like I would be stuck in this deficient state forever.
It was in this hospital bed that I realized, I DO want to live. I want to live so badly. And I realized that I have SO MUCH life force coursing through me, it’s the only reason I was able to still stay conscious with such low hemoglobin levels (which I lived with for years).
Anyway, all this to say: thank you thank you thank you. I’m so happy to be here still. Life is actually, really so good and abundant. I am blessed to love and be loved. I’m blessed to be supported and would not have survived otherwise. I acknowledge that I am brave, and I am really proud of the obstacles and fears I’m overcoming today, and all the days forward.
Wish me luck on surgery day! ✨ Love u.