Blood Loss + Fibroids
March 26, 2021
Back in October 2020 - my body felt like it crashed and burned (once again...again). I lost so much blood from my menses 🩸 that I was left competed depleted. I couldn’t stand up without feeling dizzy or out of breath. I couldn’t take a shower without getting nauseous and light headed. I would go to sleep with heart palpitations and so drained that I felt like perhaps I might not ever wake up the next morning. Healing and recovery is such a process. And I feel like I’ve been on this ride for sooooo long. I looked back on some journals and I’ve been actively working hard to heal my body (physical-emotional-mind) since 2017. I know there can be ease, but ya know it just feels wild sometimes.
I’ve been feeling more vibrant these days, so decided to go for a “hike” a couple of weeks ago. We walked a couple of blocks up the smallest incline, and before we even got to the trailhead I was already lightheaded, dizzy, out of breath w/ a headache the rest of the day. I couldn’t hike. Emotionally and mentally, I was prepared to move my body again, but I felt so incredibly defeated. Because once upon a time, I loved moving my body. I loved it so much that I decided to teach movement for a living. And now, most days I hate to admit it, moving my body just reminds me of this huge obstacle I’m currently working to overcome. But somehow it feels like every step I take forward, I get thrown at least two steps back. I guess that’s what they mean by “healing is not linear” lol.
In my journal, I turned back to a page from July of last year. At the bottom I had written: “you are going to get everything you desire.” I believe that I will - and I believe that you will, too. I have so much hope still, and I don’t doubt that this is where I’m meant to be.
I write this post primarily for myself. To remember and look back on so that I can celebrate my strength in overcoming what I perceive as pain in my life, today. I write this so that I can remember how powerfully I can call in healing and love. I write this because you are my community. And as a community, we share our struggles and sorrows along with the joy and happiness.
Thank you for being here with me. 🤍🧚♂️